About Shoes and Men and the imperfect Perfections

Actually I am pretty satisfied with me, myself and I and with my life apart from the occasional small dissatisfactions of every day life, with the job, the body or with SHOE SHOPS. 



A little bit more money would be great and before a few weeks I would have added a boyfriend would be great. Well, right now I have one but he was not easy to find because he had to be perfect. Now I am more convinced than ever that going for perfect and not for compromise was the right thing to do.

I know, I know there is no perfection. One hundred percent does not exist and a relationship consists of compromises. Only I don't believe in this. I believe that perfection comprises imperfection that means that the own flaws and the flaws of the other are part of the whole and they perfect the perfection. 


What is perfect anyway when it comes to people or relationships? What is perfection? Are there objective values which can be applied like in mathematics or physics? But even mathematics or physics are not perfect and they can only be objective from their own point of view. If maths says, one plus one equals two, then physics says: "No, no, no, one plus one is not two but ONE."

And both sciences have perfectly comprehensible explanations for their point of view. Thus, the question remains who is right? It seems almost impossible to know especially when one science builds on the other science and both try to explain the world. 

Thus, if even mathematicians or physicists do not know what is right or wrong, how anyone can possible know? Everything is relative and a question of sensation and interpretation based on sensation. Shortly everything is based on our own small truth only. What one person likes is an irritant for the other; what is perfect for one person is junk for the other. And everything is right because the truth lies all alone in the eyes of the beholder.  

Perfection does not need compromises. The perfect boyfriend is never a compromise, so is the relationship. A perfect relationship is not exhausting, demanding, ardous or tiring, it does not scare. It does not need to negotiate for compromises. It simply exists.

I want to try to explain this with a very simple example, SHOES. 

As I mentioned in the beginning very often I have problems with shoe shops. Actually, it is more than just a simple problem. For me it is a punishment to have to buy shoes because they NEVER EVER have shoes which I really like. Most of the time I have to make a compromise because I cannot go barfoot. Sometimes I have to make smaller ones, sometimes real big ones. Though the real big compromises I only make with the real cheap shoes, with those which will break after a few months anyway.  This is when I really need very urgently new shoes, when I don't have time anymore to wait, when I am forced to make compromises because surprisingly the Winter came in December and I have only sandals at home or in June when suddenly the Summer is there and only the warm shoes are standing around because I was simply too lazy or fed up with searching for the perfect shoes when there was still enough time. If this happens and this happened very often, then there is only one solution. Either to get rid of these shoes as soon as possible by exchanging them to something better or simply consider them as what they are - shoes with compromises which are not worth to be taken care of or to be fixed if they are broken.

But to be honest time has come to change the approach. I start to realize that every time that I made compromises on shoes, especially on the very cheap ones, I have wasted my money and my possibilities to find the perfect shoes. Those compromised shoes most of the time only stand around waiting to be thrown away.

But if they stand around at home I do not go around trying to find new shoes because for the moment there are shoes around. But who knows what they sell in the shops at the same time? So, I wasted my possibilities to find better ones by buying shoes just because I had to buy shoes. When they were also cheap they break very fast, too and I have to buy new ones. So I wasted my money. 

Very very rarely and mostly when I was not looking for them, I saw shoes which were perfect for me. I bought them without asking for the price, that means in the price range where I buy shoes. There were in total four pairs of really perfect shoes which I suddenly without warning and without thinking about it found standing on the shelf waiting for me to be bought.

Once I saw these really perfect shoes, beautiful and comfortable but not in my size. I bought them anyway. They were perfect for me with the imperfection of being not my shoe size but I found a solution for that.

Then there were these shoes which were simply beautiful. I had to have them. They were not only beautiful but also comfortable and they were exactly my style. Women on the street which I didn't know complimented me on these shoes. But of course there were small blemishes; the closures were not so good and the lining tore a bit, so that the shoes were less comfortable but nothing of this bothered me because these shoes were simply perfect. With these perfect shoes I hadn't have to make compromises. They would have been more perfect if well made closures and most perfect if also the linen wouldn't have torn. 

I know, I know people will say that there is no superlative to perfect, no "most perfect" and no "more perfect", either.

I am honestly asking why not if there are also differently sized eternities why not more perfect and most perfect? And when perfection comprises imperfection, then there is also "more perfect" and "most perfect". The less mistakes the more perfect.

So since those shoes were not most perfect and also because there were only shoes it happened what had to happen, they broke and eventually I had to throw them away. 

The most perfect shoes for forever I haven't found yet, maybe also because I haven't left my price league. I must admit that if I bought more expensive shoes I wouldn't have so many problems but they are out of my league. 
Also I see a different problem with those most perfect shoes for forever. I wonder -if I saw the most perfect shoes in one of these shops out of my league and I would know they would be forever- whether I would buy them? I never had to ask myself this question because until now I haven't seen those most perfect shoes which I would buy at each price. Shoes which do not break, shoes which would be forever.
So, I got to the point asking myself if it wouldn't be better instead of buying all the cheap compromises to go once for a pair of shoes which are more expensive, to dare to choose once perfection which will last forever.

There is a very simple answer. Forever is a big word which scares a bit.

This is the problem with the real expensive shoes which are beyond my league. If it is possible to buy only this ONE pair of shoes it is very difficult to choose. How can I decide if exactly this pair of shoes is the right one pair. What if I only thought that exactly this one pair of shoes was the most perfect one and later I see even more perfect ones but cannot afford them anymore because all the money already went to the most perfect ones which I thought that they were the most perfect ones? Is this the moment when the real compromise begins? Or is this the moment when I have to realize that all this complicated thinking is too complicated? Is this the moment when I'll simply give up all those thoughts and the restlessness and all the shoe shops of the world naturally that means without having the feeling of having given up on anything? Is "most perfect" in the end simply only perfect so that there will be no "more perfect" anymore after having found "simple perfect"? Is the search for "most perfect" an imperfect approach for finding good shoes, for finding shoes in general? Is finding "simple perfect" in the end enough for being content and happy?

So, I am asking with all these difficulties and imponderables finding the right pair of shoes how can I possibly still have time and energy for compromises? Compromises are only for not going barfoot. Forever has to stand without compromises.

So or similar it is with guys. The most perfect man is hard to find and maybe does not exist like the most perfect pair of shoes. But it still has to be perfect. Maybe perfect will not be for forever but maybe yes. Nobody knows. And who says that there is no "more most perfect" after "most perfect"? This can continue like that forever. Perfect seems to be enough for not having to make compromises. Those with whom I had to make compromises were what they were - compromises. With them it was over soon because they got on my nerves or I got on theirs either because they were jerks or simply not a good match. Therefore even there is still the big question about "simple perfect", "more perfect" and "most perfect" one thing is for sure

Compromises have no space in my life when it comes to important things like shoes or the man for life.

Since I met my perfect man I know that it was good not to go for compromise.

Since I met my perfect man I buy shoes, shoes, shoes... 

https://npaland.wixsite.com/easybiowri

You found me

I once wrote a letter to my future husband whom I hadn't met yet. Today I will go over it again to check if my new boyfriend whom I met a week or so after I had written this letter has fulfilled all of my stated requirements. Everything which is written in bold is what I had written in that letter.

Let's start:

1. When you find me make me laugh before you'll ask me all of these hard boring questions, why am I here and not there, how I got here and why I stayed. Don't ask me what I do at work and don't tell me about your work in a way as if we were in an interview or in an interrogation at the airport. If we can have fun together we are already half way to a happy relationship and not a boring one.

Well, I had already given up on finding the one. I had given up on finding any man. I was honestly not interested anymore. I had planned my life alone and I was happy with that but I was still registered with some dating lines, because it is almost impossible to delete the profile with some of them. Well, I had already forgotten about them and did not really care. One morning I received an email from a dating site which is called  "The Other Half" that someone has sent me an email there. Well, although I had given up on men I was still curious but did not expect anything. Most of the men on this dating site were either ugly or they did not put a picture which means they are either ugly or simply married. In all cases not worth the effort. But this time it was different. There was you. I immediately felt some kind of connection with you. So, I read your email. Well, most of the times I read the emails. Usually they are a one-liner, sometimes only a telephone number. You had sent me a long email, friendly and polite with well chosen words. Although you had sent me your telephone number you were okay with simple emails in the beginning. Later our telephone talks were long and flowing. No stupid questions as if we were in a job interview although you dwelled on how long I would like to stay and if I want to go back. I replied to that that I would go with my man to the northpole if this was a requirement. For someone who loves me and I Iove I can be on any place in the world.

Well, since you don't have a sense of humor as you said, you don't make me laugh but I make you laugh which makes me laugh, so somehow you make me laugh, too.

2. Take me to places I have never been. Don't ask me what I would like to do on the first date. This leaves the impression as if you were not really interested in me but only in getting to know any woman, quickly, uncomplicated and without effort. 

Although our first date was kind of like every date, the second date the next day was a trip to a river in a beautiful valley. This was an amazing trip because you even had prepared food for a picknick. A date so different from all the dates I had before. Interesting, different and not boring at all but wonderful and magical.

We went picking cherries, an idea I had but you changed your plans spontaneously when I coined this idea. A day with so much fun. We even rescued an abandoned puppy from the street which would have died otherwise because of dehydration and overheating.

Yesterday you took me to this amazing restaurant in this ecological village where they served Indian food deliciously as I know it from Berlin. 

Shortly, every time with you is an adventure and never boring.

3. Don't try to kiss me or come with me to my home in the first, second or third date. Don't try to get to my home at all or to invite me to your place. Accept my "No" and don't try to persuade me or to manipulate me by telling me that we are not children anymore but grown up people. When I am ready for more you will notice. 

Well, unfortunately you failed a bit on this. At our third date you suddenly stood in front of my door although I hadn't invited you. You had searched for my name at the doors in the whole house. This had ruined our third date from the beginning and then at the end of the date you tried to get to my place with a strange trick. This had ruined the rest.

Well, fortunately you did not fail on accepting my "No". So, generously as I am I will of course excuse your mistake with a smiley smile. 

4. If you want to contact me and actually it is not a question of "if"...so when you want to contact me you will call and not write messages. You will not ask me if I have "What's up" because this is not interesting for you because you want to hear my voice. Now and then you will send a message but only to show me that you are thinking of me. I don't have to explain to you why I don't have a smartphone. You will not explain to me either that I could buy one. You know that I know that I can go to a shop and buy a smartphone if I want to.

Well, also here you fail a bit. But as I already mentioned I am generous with excusing you with a smiley smile. You hardly call me and very seldom you send me messages only to show me that you are thinking of me. Your messages are looooong. 

Instead of persuading me to buy a smartphone you made a cheap telephone contract for me and my son which I couldn't because I don't have Israeli citizenship. This was a very great thing of you to do and I thank you for that with all my heart.

5. With you I can be as I am. I don't have to pretend to be someone else. I don't have to play games. I don't have to feel bad when I am not like someone else.

With you I can be completely myself every single minute, every single second. I can be as I am in good and in bad without fear of losing you. This is the best gift you make me every single day, every single minute, every single second.

6. On the weekend you want to go outside, to the sea, to the desert, hiking in the mountains. You don't want to sit inside because outside it is too hot, too cold or too dirty. You believe the same like I do that two hours at the sea was not being outside. If something goes wrong you don't freak out but you make the best out of it because you think this is part of the adventure.

Yes!!! You like to travel and to hike and you love the sea too. What more can someone possibly ask for?

You have to find me soon because life is short and very fast over again. One second we were born and the next we depart from here again. Short like the blink of an eye is our appearance on earth. 

Strangely, literally a few days after I had written this you found me as if the Universe had everything arranged. All that I had done in my life, all what I had gone through has taken me to you. Until I had written this letter I wasn't ready to be found by you and also you had other things to do. But you had waited for me as I had waited for you. Sometimes I could feel you and maybe I don't know you also had sometimes felt me. Eventually you had found me here in Haifa having waited only for you.