365 Tage ergeben ein Jahr: About Shoes and Men and the imperfect Perfections

Actually I am pretty satisfied with me, myself and I and with my life apart from the occasional small dissatisfactions of every day life, with the job, the body or with SHOE SHOPS.

A little bit more money would be great and before a few weeks I would have added a boyfriend would be great. Well, right now I have one but he was not easy to find because he had to be perfect. Now I am more convinced than ever that going for perfect and not for compromise was the right thing to do.

I know, I know there is no perfection. One hundred percent does not exist and a relationship consists of compromises. Only I don't believe in this. I believe that perfection comprises imperfection that means that the own flaws and the flaws of the other are part of the whole and they perfect the perfection.

What is perfect anyway when it comes to people or relationships? What is perfection? Are there objective values which can be applied like in mathematics or physics? But even mathematics or physics are not perfect and they can only be objective from their own point of view. If maths says, one plus one equals two, then physics says: "No, no, no, one plus one is not two but ONE."

And both sciences have perfectly comprehensible explanations for their point of view. Thus, the question remains who is right? It seems almost impossible to know especially when one science builds on the other science and both try to explain the world.

Thus, if even mathematicians or physicists do not know what is right or wrong, how anyone can possible know? Everything is relative and a question of sensation and interpretation based on sensation. Shortly everything is based on our own small truth only. What one person likes is an irritant for the other; what is perfect for one person is junk for the other. And everything is right because the truth lies all alone in the eyes of the beholder.

Perfection does not need compromises. The perfect boyfriend is never a compromise, so is the relationship. A perfect relationship is not exhausting, demanding, ardous or tiring, it does not scare. It does not need to negotiate for compromises. It simply exists.

I want to try to explain this with a very simple example, SHOES.

As I mentioned in the beginning very often I have problems with shoe shops. Actually, it is more than just a simple problem. For me it is a punishment to have to buy shoes because they NEVER EVER have shoes which I really like. Most of the time I have to make a compromise because I cannot go barfoot. Sometimes I have to make smaller ones, sometimes real big ones. Though the real big compromises I only make with the real cheap shoes, with those which will break after a few months anyway. This is when I really need very urgently new shoes, when I don't have time anymore to wait, when I am forced to make compromises because surprisingly the Winter came in December and I have only sandals at home or in June when suddenly the Summer is there and only the warm shoes are standing around because I was simply too lazy or fed up with searching for the perfect shoes when there was still enough time. If this happens and this happened very often, then there is only one solution. Either to get rid of these shoes as soon as possible by exchanging them to something better or simply consider them as what they are - shoes with compromises which are not worth to be taken care of or to be fixed if they are broken.

But to be honest time has come to change the approach. I start to realize that every time that I made compromises on shoes, especially on the very cheap ones, I have wasted my money and my possibilities to find the perfect shoes. Those compromised shoes most of the time only stand around waiting to be thrown away.

But if they stand around at home I do not go around trying to find new shoes because for the moment there are shoes around. But who knows what they sell in the shops at the same time? So, I wasted my possibilities to find better ones by buying shoes just because I had to buy shoes. When they were also cheap they break very fast, too and I have to buy new ones. So I wasted my money.

Very very rarely and mostly when I was not looking for them, I saw shoes which were perfect for me. I bought them without asking for the price, that means in the price range where I buy shoes. There were in total four pairs of really perfect shoes which I suddenly without warning and without thinking about it found standing on the shelf waiting for me to be bought.

Once I saw these really perfect shoes, beautiful and comfortable but not in my size. I bought them anyway. They were perfect for me with the imperfection of being not my shoe size but I found a solution for that.

Then there were these shoes which were simply beautiful. I had to have them. They were not only beautiful but also comfortable and they were exactly my style. Women on the street which I didn't know complimented me on these shoes. But of course there were small blemishes; the closures were not so good and the lining tore a bit, so that the shoes were less comfortable but nothing of this bothered me because these shoes were simply perfect. With these perfect shoes I hadn't have to make compromises. They would have been more perfect if well made closures and most perfect if also the linen wouldn't have torn.

I know, I know people will say that there is no superlative to perfect, no "most perfect" and no "more perfect", either.

I am honestly asking why not if there are also differently sized eternities why not more perfect and most perfect? And when perfection comprises imperfection, then there is also "more perfect" and "most perfect". The less mistakes the more perfect.

So since those shoes were not most perfect and also because there were only shoes it happened what had to happen, they broke and eventually I had to throw them away.

The most perfect shoes for forever I haven't found yet, maybe also because I haven't left my price league. I must admit that if I bought more expensive shoes I wouldn't have so many problems but they are out of my league.
Also I see a different problem with those most perfect shoes for forever. I wonder -if I saw the most perfect shoes in one of these shops out of my league and I would know they would be forever- whether I would buy them? I never had to ask myself this question because until now I haven't seen those most perfect shoes which I would buy at each price. Shoes which do not break, shoes which would be forever.
So, I got to the point asking myself if it wouldn't be better instead of buying all the cheap compromises to go once for a pair of shoes which are more expensive, to dare to choose once perfection which will last forever.

There is a very simple answer. Forever is a big word which scares a bit.

This is the problem with the real expensive shoes which are beyond my league. If it is possible to buy only this ONE pair of shoes it is very difficult to choose. How can I decide if exactly this pair of shoes is the right one pair. What if I only thought that exactly this one pair of shoes was the most perfect one and later I see even more perfect ones but cannot afford them anymore because all the money already went to the most perfect ones which I thought that they were the most perfect ones? Is this the moment when the real compromise begins? Or is this the moment when I have to realize that all this complicated thinking is too complicated? Is this the moment when I'll simply give up all those thoughts and the restlessness and all the shoe shops of the world naturally that means without having the feeling of having given up on anything? Is "most perfect" in the end simply only perfect so that there will be no "more perfect" anymore after having found "simple perfect"? Is the search for "most perfect" an imperfect approach for finding good shoes, for finding shoes in general? Is finding "simple perfect" in the end enough for being content and happy?

So, I am asking with all these difficulties and imponderables finding the right pair of shoes how can I possibly still have time and energy for compromises? Compromises are only for not going barfoot. Forever has to stand without compromises.

So or similar it is with guys. The most perfect man is hard to find and maybe does not exist like the most perfect pair of shoes. But it still has to be perfect. Maybe perfect will not be for forever but maybe yes. Nobody knows. And who says that there is no "more most perfect" after "most perfect"? This can continue like that forever. Perfect seems to be enough for not having to make compromises. Those with whom I had to make compromises were what they were - compromises. With them it was over soon because they got on my nerves or I got on theirs either because they were jerks or simply not a good match. Therefore even there is still the big question about "simple perfect", "more perfect" and "most perfect" one thing is for sure

Compromises have no space in my life when it comes to important things like shoes or the man for life.

Since I met my perfect man I know that it was good not to go for compromise.